


Of Cosmic Importance

by dirkygoodness



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Blow Jobs, Cas hates himself and Dean hates that he does, Clearly the solution is to fuck, Dacryphilia, Dom Dean Winchester, Dom/sub, Dominant Dean, Emotional Sex, First Time Together, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Manhandling, Mild Voyeurism, Post-Episode: s12e09 First Blood, Praise Kink, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Worth Issues, Spit As Lube, Sub Castiel, Submissive Castiel, Very Mild Dacryphilia, Voyeurism, which is a crying kink btw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 19:57:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15150695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirkygoodness/pseuds/dirkygoodness
Summary: After Castiel kills Billie and they get back to the bunker Dean makes it his mission to show Cas just how important he is to the world, whether Castiel believes it or not.





	Of Cosmic Importance

**Author's Note:**

> yells this was supposed to have more dacryphilia

Dull pain spread across Castiel’s back as he is shoved roughly against the car, the door slamming shut with a loud snap as he is. Dean’s got a hold of his tie, his knuckles white with how hard he’s holding it, and he’s only a few inches away from Cas now. The sudden closeness makes Castiel’s breath hitch, trying frantically to try and read the emotion on Dean’s face. He’s never been very good at it, though, and can’t get a read on anything beyond  _ upset.  _ Cas briefly looks towards the bunker doors, Sam and Mary having gone inside no more than a few seconds ago. Dean must have been waiting to get him alone. _   
_

“What the hell were you thinking?” Comes his harsh, near-yell of a reply and, ah, that’s what it was. The inevitable blow up. Castiel had figured it’d be a little longer of a wait, but he can’t say he’s surprised.    


“I told you-” Cas starts, but he’s cut off when Dean jerks him forwards only to slam him back against the Impala again. Castiel winces but shuts up. He gets the message.   


“Yeah, Cas, you told me a lot. And you said stuff like you didn’t  _ matter.” _ Dean growls, and Castiel blinks. 

Confusion hits him like a train because -  _ this  _ isn’t what Dean should be mad about. Castiel had killed Billie. He’d killed a reaper, had been threatened with  _ cosmic consequences,  _ all that. Why was  _ this  _ what Dean was focusing on? Dean must catch onto his confusion, too, because he’s taking a step forwards so their chests are almost touching and shakes Cas with the hold he’s got on him.

_“‘We’re too important to everything’?_ What about you, huh? Do you have any idea what _cosmic consequences_ could even _mean?_ What about what might happen to you?” Dean shook him again and Castiel lifted a hand to try and still him but Dean just ignored it.   


“No, but I’ll deal with it. It isn’t important-” Castriel tries, but then Dean lets out a loud  _ ‘ah-ha!’  _ and pushes close enough that Cas can feel each breath he takes and it’s hard for him to think suddenly.   


“See? That, right there! You keep putting yourself in  _ danger  _ for us, keep trying to… keep  _ letting  _ yourself get hurt in the name of keeping us safe!”   


“You’re important-” Cas says, but again Dean cuts him off, and Castiel  _ really  _ wishes he’d stop doing that.   


“And you’re not?” Dean roars, face turning a dark shade of angry red and Castiel opens his mouth to reply but no sound comes out. Because. 

Because he doesn’t have a good response to that. At least not one Dean would appreciate, anyway, so he presses his lips into a thin line and keeps quiet. Dean lets out a puff of breath and his shoulders sag, his grip on Cas’ tie easing and Castiel glances down at it for a moment before looking back up to Dean’s face.   


“Cas,” Dean says, and his voice is quiet, resigned. Castiel’s not heard him like this very often, but everytime he has it’s not been for a good reason and he goes rigid instantly. “Do you think you’re not important?”    


“I-” Castiel tries but he can’t get words out because suddenly he’s being faced with something he’s been ignoring for a  _ very  _ long time and he shifts, tries to put some distance between he and Dean. It doesn’t work, of course it doesn’t - he’s pressed against the side of the Impala with a hundred and eighty pounds of upset hunter holding him in place. 

He knows he needs to answer, knows that Dean is waiting for him to tell him that,  _ no,  _ he  _ didn’t  _ think he was unimportant, but he also knows Dean hates it when he lies so he’s trapped between the car and his choices and he swallows thickly. Castiel  _ wasn’t  _ important. He messed everything up, he was always making stupid decisions, kept making a bigger mess for Dean to clean up -  _ Dean always ended up having to clean up his messes.  _

But Dean? His brother? They always pulled through in the end. They always  _ fixed  _ things. How many apocalypses had they stopped now? Two? Three? In the grand scheme of things Dean and Sam were  _ important.  _ Castiel was just another disposable pawn. And he was  _ happy  _ to be. He was at least useful then. He could  _ help.  _   


“I don’t know what to tell you,” Castiel eventually says, tone defeated, leaning back up against the Impala. There’s a minute of silence, the only sound the crickets chirping occasionally, and Cas has to force himself to stay silent.    


“Dammit,” Dean finally hisses, and Cas looks up in time to see Dean pull away from him with a conflicted expression on his face.    


“Dean?” Castiel asks - wasn’t he going to give him a lecture? Tell him how he  _ messed up  _ again? 

He almost asks that too, but then Dean yanks him forwards by his tie, Castiel stumbling and letting out a choked noise of surprise. He only just manages to catch himself on Dean’s elbow. Dean doesn’t give him time to regain his balance though, because he’s moving forwards and throwing the back door open and then Cas feels the world shift on it’s axis and he’s falling. He lets out a startled breath as he collides with the back seat of the Impala, blinking owlishly up at Dean who - who crawls in after him, his legs on either side of Castiel, arms coming to rest by his head after he slams the door shut behind them. Castiel swallows hard and keeps as still as he possibly can, hesitantly lifting his eyes to meet Dean’s - unsure what he’s meant to do.    


“You’re important,” Dean tells him, so sure of himself it knocks the breath out of Castiel once again.    


“Wha-” Castiel tries to ask but Dean reaches up and covers his mouth and gives him hard stare. Castiel swallows his question and nods tentatively into Dean’s hand. Dean pulls his hand away only long enough to start undoing Castiel’s tie. Cas has to bite back his questions, teeth digging into his lip with the effort.    


“You’re important to what we do,” Dean starts, yanking the tie off his neck and tossing it over into the front seat. 

“We need you on hunts,” Dean grabs both sides of Castiel’s dress shirt and  _ jerks  _ so hard the bottoms pop and go flying around the car, Castiel gasping.   


“You’re important to us,” Dean pulls Castiel up, and he goes willingly, too startled to really do anything else as Dean holds him against his chest and roughly pulls his jacket and shirt off in one fluid motion. He lets them fall back against the seat and Cas gets the sudden urge to cover himself. He resists it though and stays still.   


“You’re important to Jack,” Dean lets him go and Cas drops heavily against the cushion and his shirt and jacket. He tries to will the blush that’s rising to his face to go away, tries to ignore the anxious  _ knot  _ that’s forming in his gut with each word Dean says. He does lift his hands up though, covering his chest as the feeling of  _ vulnerability  _ wells up enough that it’s stifling. It’s odd not having the layers he’s so accustomed to on, it  _ strange  _ to have Dean’s attention this focused on him - especially with his shirt off.   


“You’re important to Sam,” Dean starts in on his own clothes now, throwing his coat into the front seat with Cas’ tie, his shirt quick to follow. Castiel’s eyes are immediately drawn to his chest, unable to help  _ looking.  _ He’s seen Dean shirtless before but this feels  _ different _ and -   


“You’re important to Mary,” Dean tells him and Castiel wants to protest, to tell Dean how she’d reacted when Cas had left Dean -  _ had lost Dean oh, he can’t believe he’d lost Dean, he’d -  _

Dean grabs Castiel’s wrists, pulling his arms away from his chest with minimal effort. Cas could stop him - he  _ could  _ resist but he doesn’t really  _ want  _ to. His face heats up though and he shifts nervously as Dean stares at him for a moment. He’s probably waiting to see if Castiel will tell him to stop, tell him to get off of him, but that’s not going to happen. Cas doesn’t  _ want  _ him to stop - even if he’s not entirely sure why Dean’s doing this. After a minute Dean drops down and presses flush against Castiel, chest to chest, and Castiel can’t help the startled gasp that punches out of his throat nor the way his hands scramble along Dean’s back looking for purchase. Anything to ground him. 

“And you’re important to  _ me,”  _ Dean grips Castiel’s face in his hands and forces him to look in his eyes and it’s too  _ much,  _ Castiel can’t take it because he doesn’t understand and he  _ isn’t  _ important and - “I’m going to tell you that until you believe me. No matter how long it takes.” 

And Dean’s suddenly kissing him, firm and  _ emotional,  _ and Castiel lets out a weak moan into it against his will. He can feel himself melt against the seats, his hands going loose on their hold around Dean’s chest. Even though his knowledge of this is… limited, to say the least, Castiel expects Dean to deepen the kiss but he doesn’t, instead he pulls away and kisses Cas’ cheek, his chin, down to his neck where he starts sucking marks into his skin. 

Castiel knows it’s not going to leave a mark for long, knows he’s going to heal almost as soon as the bruise shows up, that there’s no reason for Dean to be doing this,  _ doesn’t know why,  _ but he just arches up into it and squeezes his eyes shut. Tries to shut out everything, the reality of what’s been said, the  _ feelings _ , the fact that they’re in the back of the car no more than ten feet away from the bunker for Heaven’s sake - but it’s  _ too much  _ and he can’t push the words Dean had said out of his mind fast enough.   


“I’m not,” Castiel says weakly without really meaning too, so quiet he doesn’t even know if Dean hears him. Dean must because he stills for a moment before licking a stripe up Castiel’s neck, making him shudder violently.   


“You  _ are.”  _ Dean corrects, voice right in his ear, and Cas whines and squeezes his eyes as tight as he can because Dean’s trying to - hell, Castiel doesn’t know  _ what  _ Dean’s trying to do, but he can guess, and he’s pretty sure crying is going to make things weird. Dean’s hands slide down and wrap around his rips, one hand on each side, and Castiel wonders if he can feel how fast his heart is beating inside his chest right now.    


“Why - why are you doing this?” Castiel can’t help but ask, and is surprised to find his voice raw and breathless.    


“Should’a done this a long time ago,” Dean answers as he keeps sucking marks into Cas’ neck, only stopping long enough to get the words out. Castiel squirms at the sensation and presses his fingertips into the meat of Dean’s shoulder muscles - which earns him a deep, satisfied groan from Dean that has him opening his eyes in surprise. 

He can only see the roof of the car, thankfully. He doesn’t know what he’d do if he’d been met with Dean’s face, his expression - whatever it is right now. Dean’s answer isn’t - it’s not shocking. Castiel isn’t an idiot, he knows the way Dean had looked at him over the years. It’s not the wanting that’s surprising to him. It’s the acting upon the wanting, the timing, that does.    


“No, Dean, why  _ now,”  _ Cas corrects himself, craning his neck back farther as Dean noses up along his jaw insistently. “What made you - you never seemed interested in anything… like this before.” Finally Dean stops, taking in a long, sharp breath before pulling away. Castiel’s suddenly forced to look at Dean now, which. It’s a lot, it’s  _ hard  _ to look at him but - he does it anyway because he’s the one who asked the question. And he has to know the answer.   


“It seemed like the best way to get my point across.” Dean replies flatly, giving a half-shrug. Castiel swallows hard.   


“Your point?” He asks - almost doesn’t but can’t help himself. He’s naturally curious by nature. Dean makes a face like he’d been punched and leans back down, pressing his forehead against Castiel’s own. Cas holds his breath.   


“Cas, I’m not good with words,” Dean sighs, and Cas can’t help but let out a chuckle.    


“That is an understatement-”   


“Alright you smartass,” Dean scolds, rolling his eyes. “My point is I can - I can  _ show  _ you how much you matter better than I can tell you.”    


“Why-”   


“No, no more questions. The only thing I want to hear out of your mouth are moans or my name, is that clear?” Dean tells him sternly, and something twists low and  _ hot  _ in Cas’ gut and he nods quickly. Dean smiles.  “Good,” He says, and then he’s kissing Castiel again - firmer, more frantic, and this time when Castiel moans Dean presses his tongue inside to deepen the kiss. 

Cas can feel as Dean smiles into the kiss and he squeezes his eyes shut, dizzy and chest tight - the urge for air sudden and frantic even though he doesn’t  _ need  _ to breathe. It’s different - a  _ lot  _ different than before, than the last (the only other) time Castiel had done this. Before it’d been slow, gentle, but over fairly quickly. This is hot, and heavy, and every second feels like a year. The air in the car is like steam and Castiel can’t think clearly, and it should be worrying - should frighten him but instead he’s just yearning for every touch of Dean’s fingers on his flesh. 

Dean shifts, pressing closer, and Castiel lets out a strangled moan as he feels something brush up against his dick. Dean pulls away when he does and sits back, reaching down towards Castiel’s pants. Without any warning, no question, Dean’s undoing his belt and popping his jeans open. Cas takes a sharp breath and bites his lip as Dean grips his thighs and lifts him up, pulling his jeans and boxers down halfway - only enough to reveal his cock and ass, and Castiel gasps as the cool air hits him. He’s struck again with the urge to cover himself and he grips Dean’s hands as an attempt to keep himself from doing so.    


“I’m gonna take care of you, angel,” Dean says,  _ reverent,  _ so full of love that Castiel moans again and drops his head back against the seat. “I’m gonna show you how much you matter.”   


“Dean,” Cas twitches, Dean leaning down and blowing hot breath over his dick. Then Dean’s taking him into his mouth and  _ oh,  _ Castiel’s vision whites out for a moment and he arches up hard, a long drawn out whine slipping past his lips against his will. 

When he can see again Dean’s pressing his hips down hard, he can feel his fingernails digging into his hipbone, and he’s bobbing his head and lapping his tongue around Cas’ dick. Castiel grips Dean’s hands harder, leg jerking as Dean sucks, his foot colliding with the car door with an ominous pop. Dean lifts his head up for a second to glance at the door, checking for damage, and Castiel cranes his neck up to try and see if he broke anything. He feels guilty but not nearly enough so, not with the heat that’s fogging up his head making it hard to feel anything but  _ want.  _   


“Sorry,” Castiel breathes out because at least he can try and apologize, blinking frantically. Dean growls and turns back to him, licking a hot stripe up his cock and Castiel can’t help the yelp that punches out of his chest.   


“I’m so sick of you apologizing to me all the time, Cas,” Dean says, taking him back into his mouth and Castiel only just barely able to swallow the follow up apology before it manages to get out. 

Dean keeps going, sucking and licking and Castiel is having a really hard time not blaspheming right now, because  _ oh,  _ everything is  _ too much  _ and  _ not enough  _ all at once _.  _ He doesn’t know how long Dean goes on, how long he keeps going, but then he’s moaning, release close,  _ too close,  _ and he jerks his hands underneath Dean’s own in an attempt to warn him. Immediately Dean pulls off him with a lewd pop but Castiel’s hands don’t budge, still trapped firmly beneath Dean’s own. Something about the way he’s holding him has Castiel’s stomach knotting and he gasps.   


_ “Dean,”  _ Castiel squeaks out, eyes closing and head lolling to the side as he looks down at him. Dean just smiles and brings one of his hands to Cas’ mouth.   


“Suck ‘em, Cas,” He commands and Castiel lets his mouth drop open instantly, sucking on Dean’s fingers for all he’s worth. Dean makes a noise and when Cas opens his eyes again Dean’s got his own squeezed shut and is making a pained expression. 

Castiel almost asks if he’s okay, but then Dean’s other hand moves and he cups himself through his jeans and Cas’ mind short circuits. Dean  _ likes  _ this. He’s enjoying what Castiel is doing, he’s getting  _ off  _ on it, and it probably shouldn’t be as hot as it is but the knowledge that Cas is the one making him like this sends him moaning again. Dean finally pulls his fingers from Castiel’s mouth, jerking Cas farther back so his ass is in Dean’s lap and his ankles are on his shoulders.    


“Tell me if this hurts,” Dean says and presses a finger against Cas’ hole, and Castiel sucks in a breath and props himself up on his elbows. He consideres for a second telling Dean that he’s probably not going to be able to hurt him, not unless he’s actually  _ trying  _ to, but then Dean presses a finger in and Castiel’s elbows give out and he drops back onto the seat with a startled breath. 

It doesn’t hurt - not in any sense that could really affect him, but he can feel the burn of it. It doesn’t take long before Dean’s pressing in a second finger, and finally a third, thrusting them in a fast, rough motion that has Castiel panting and fisting the cloth of his shirt underneath himself. Dean pulls his fingers out with a grunt, and then he’s undoing his own belt and spitting into his hand. Castiel can’t see what he’s doing but can tell by the jerking motion that Dean’s slicking himself up. Dean leans forwards, lining himself up, and Cas expects him to push in but instead he makes a frustrated noise and pulls back.   


“Dean?” Castiel asks, but Dean doesn’t respond - doesn’t need to, the question answering itself as Dean jerks Cas’ shoe and sock off, one leg of his pants following quickly until Dean is pressing back in. This time he’s much closer, Castiel’s legs wrapping around Dean’s hips so he can lean back over Cas like before.   


“Don’t you ever do anything like that again, you hear me?” Dean snaps, and Castiel can hear anger rising in his voice again. “I don’t know what I’d do without you,  _ fuck,  _ I can’t keep losing you, Cas.” His voice is raw and  _ hurt  _ and Castiel can’t help the way his breath hitches in his throat and his eyes sting. 

Then Dean’s pressing in, slow,  _ oh so slowly,  _ and Castiel gasps and jerks, and there’s a ripping of fabric, but he’s too gone in the sensations to really care what he’s ripping. Above him Dean groans and drops his head into the crook of his neck, pausing when he’s bottomed out.    


“You’re so important to me Cas, I need you so bad,” Dean moans, kissing across the line of Castiel’s neck. Cas has to close his eyes against his words, against the emotions it makes well up inside him. 

Dean’s hips give a half jerking motion, not of his own will, but when he does it’s like a dams broken because then he starts thrusting forward. It’s slow, but hard, and Castiel can’t think past the swell of Dean’s dick in him and he wraps his legs around Dean and squeezes. Dean’s answering moan makes him do it again, pulling him forwards against him as he does.    


“You feel so good,  _ fuck,  _ you’re so good Cas,” Dean hisses and Castiel whines, high in his throat, his chest going tight and he lets out a hiccuping breath. 

A mantra starts to form in his mind, a chant of  _ no I’m not, no I’m not, he’s lying, he’s lying,  _ and Castiel can’t help as a weak sob that leaves his body because it’s all hitting him at once. He’s  _ not  _ important, he’s  _ not  _ special, but hearing Dean say that he is makes something in his chest hurt and he can’t help it as his cock gives a jerk at his words.   


“Cas, you okay?” Dean asks, and he moves to sit up but Castiel grabs his shoulders frantically and holds him in place.    


“Yes,” Cas sobs out, back arching into Dean’s touch. “Please,  _ Dean, please  _ don’t stop.” He begs, because it feels so  _ good  _ and he just wants Dean to keep talking. Keep telling him how  _ good  _ and  _ important  _ he is. Thankfully Dean only pauses for a moment before he’s picking up the pace, slipping his hands under Castiel’s back to get a better grip on him.    


_ “Faster,  _ Dean,” Castiel whines and rakes his fingernails down Dean’s back, earning him a hiss as Dean’s hips stutter and he curses. Dean snaps his hips forwards, picking up the pace and Castiel can feel the car jolting under them with every thrust. He’s reminded now suddenly of where they are, where they’re  _ doing  _ this. 

That anyone driving by could see what they’re doing, could see Dean’s naked back through the window, and he feels a thick bead of pre-come leak out of him as he grips Dean in a bruising deathhold that he’s going to regret later. Dean makes a punched out noise, grunting with the effort of being nearly-strangled, but he doesn’t stop or tell Castiel to let go of him. Instead he bites Cas’ neck right under his ear and growls.   


“You’re so strong and amazing, Cas, so  _ good,  _ so wonderful,” Dean tells him roughly.    


_ “Dean,”  _ Castiel cries out and throws his head back, his whole body wracked with shivers. “Please, I - I need,  _ Dean, I need -” _ _   
_

“I got you, Cas, I’ve got you,” Dean responds to his senseless plea thankfully, because Castiel doesn’t even know what he’s asking for. Dean snakes a hand between then and fists Cas’ cock in his hand, giving a jerk, two, three before Castiel is screaming and he’s coming so hard it makes his vision blur. 

He feels his grace swell, snapping out of him without his permission and he’s only just able to press Dean’s head down into his shoulder before the lights in the Impala flair a bright white and there’s a popping noise from outside the car. Dean curses under him and keeps going until Castiel feels his grace calm and the lights turn off again, and he releases his hold on Dean’s head. 

Dean’s hips jerk forwards one more time and then he’s coming with a groan, Cas’ name on his lips like a prayer. Dean slumps against him, breathing heavily and Cas blinks rapidly, trying to clear the remaining tears from his eyes.    


“I think you broke the taillights,” Dean says, his voice rough from overuse and Castiel shifts, propping himself up on his elbows and Dean sits up willingly to let him.   


“I’m sorry, I’ll replace them,” Castiel says, but Dean shakes his head and pulls out of him. Castiel can’t help the whine that escapes him and he jerks, almost slipping back down against the seat.    


“It’s fine, I’ve got some spares in the garage and - holy shit, your shirt.” Dean gasps and when Castiel looks down he sees the tattered remains of his dress shirt, shredded and lying across the seat.    


“Oh,” Cas says dumbly, reaching down and pulling the shirt up to inspect. “I guess I did this.” Dean laughs and when Castiel looks back up he’s shaking his head.   


“Good to note, don’t have any fabric near you next time or it’ll look like it’s been shot threw a blender.” Dean tells him and Cas feels his heart leap to his throat.   


“Next time?”   


“Uh,” Dean starts, shifting nervously. “I mean, yeah. If you want there to be a next time, I mean.”   


“I’d like that.” Castiel smiles and Dean grins and leans down, pressing a kiss to Castiel’s lips. 

Castiel wonders if he should have been threatened with  _ cosmic consequences  _ sooner. 


End file.
